My time in England was one of the greatest experiences I've had in my life and it brought me closer to God than I have ever been in my life. I experienced his glory through the country side, the work I did, and the people I connected with. I went to places I never thought I'd go and places I never knew existed, and I was really amazed by it all. I did work this year that was really different from anything I've ever done. From working in schools with elementary kids, to working with kids after school, to serving older people at soup n' roll, to Cafe Churches, the work I did this year was different and I know that there were a lot of times this year where God was glorified. Lastly, the people I met this year will never be forgotten, I will always remember my house group, the people who worked with the bridge and YFC, and mostly the kids I had the pleasure of working with this year, they have all left an imprint on my heart, and it hurt me just as much to say goodbye to them as it did to say bye to my youth group when I left for the year.
I can't wait to return next year and see the people of Guisbrough and see how all the kids have grown, and trust me when I say I WILL return next year.
Even though I was sad to be leaving, I was so happy to return home. I got to see my family as soon as I got home, then I went to the church at the tail end of the first night of our Summer Family Experience and was able to see everybody from the church that I've missed and all of our students, and I can't even explain the joy I felt in seeing all of them again. I was so happy to come back home even though I knew I'd miss my other home.
My time in England was cut short and I didn't really explain it to people why I had to come back early, but my younger brother Ryan was shot and murdered on July 10th, and I had to come back home to say goodbye to someone who is a huge part of who I am. It hurt so bad but I have the greatest healer of all. My brother was very different from me yet we were a lot alike. Being the brother who always had to room with him growing up, when my sister asked us if anybody wanted to speak at his funeral I chose to say something. I didn't get to tell my bro good bye or that I loved him to him so I chose to do so by remembering him with all of his family and friends. I was able to go on one last walk by myself in England to be by myself so I could be one on one with God. I had a moment in the woods where it just hit me like a train. I've been so lucky to have the people of Getwell and the people of Guisbrough during this time, because without God and those he has surrounded me with I don't know how I would have made it out of this situation. My Brothers death also brought my family together, all of us, and on that day when we should have been shedding tears and filled with sorrow, we were able to come together and remember old times, fun times, bad times, and just laugh. It took my brother dying to do that though, and it just made me realize who much I miss my family and the times we used to have, I'll probably never have that back, but for just a day I had it, and I wish Ryan could have been there, but God had him on that day, and every day, and for all of eternity for now on.
Last night came the biggest comfort of all in this whole situation. My brothers BFF Michael told us that a few months ago he baptized Ryan after Ryan told him about his belief in Jesus, and if that's true then I know where my brother is, and last night at enter in the Wenger sisters sang a song that brought me to tears as I was sitting in the back and the words just comforted me and helped me say goodbye to my brother. The song is called I Will Rise By Chris Tomlin
"There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise"
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise
And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise"
and I immediately just had a picture in my head of my brother smiling at me while standing next to a throne, a throne where Jesus sat at the right hand at the throne of God and my brother was no longer in his earthly dwelling but he had been baptized by fire and cleansed, and was in his eternal home where I long to join him.
Many people would look at this situation and say how is it possible a God could exist if something this bad could happen?
I look at this and say how can we blame God for our mistakes when it's always been us making the mistakes and him cleaning up after us.
Also I say this is why we NEED Jesus, just thinking that some group of people could take someone's life like this just shows me how evil humans are, not just those ones, but all of us, and without Jesus, there is no possible way we'd be able to live with God, and that's why Christ is the ONLY way to heaven.
I'm sorry for the length of this post, but I felt the need to say certain things, and lastly as this will be my last blog for quite a while, I just wanna thank YFC, The Bridge, and Getwell, you have all helped shape me to be who I am.
I cannot wait for the day that I am reunited with my partner in crime, but in stead of causing trouble we will be free of it, and we will be worshipping the king together. So this blog is for Ryan Christopher Brooks, AKA: Baby Elephant, Sparky, Breezy, and many other foolish nicknames, I love you, and I always will.
